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"If I only knew then what I know now."
How many times have we each said this? To have the knowledge of old age and the advantages of youth would be an ideal time of life.
Maybe it's not such an ideal after all. Perhaps it is available to us during that time of life known as middle age.
As baby boomers grow older, they face the empty nest, a time when children leave home for college, jobs and marriage. Bustling households filled with schedules of soccer games, teenage parties and loud music suddenly become eerily quiet as one by one their children move out and away.
This normal course of events is dreaded by some, welcomed by others. We see our children becoming strong, independent adults who have their whole lives ahead of them. And no matter how we view it, the stark reality of time marching on slaps us in the face. We have a choice. Embrace it or run from it.
Some run, desperately trying to relive their youth with last-chance career moves, extra-marital affairs or material toys. Many go through divorce as they desperately seek to be young again, through fast cars, spending sprees or an exciting new partner that makes them feel 18 again. These thrills are soon short-lived and experienced for what they are - attempts to bring back what was in exchange for what is.
Other baby-boomers sink into a frame of mind that is almost hopeless, as they wrestle with their own mortality. The generation that danced at Woodstock and vowed never to grow old now stands at the threshold of old age.
But what so many of us overlook is the fact that now could be truly the best time of our life if we allow it. We are older, yes. But we are also wiser, independent, and usually more attuned to the workings of the world. We fail to remember the uncertainties that gripped us in our youth. We grappled with who we were, what we would become. All of this confusion now faces our children, and we forget how terrifying it was for us to come to grips with those questions.
Embracing this time is smarter. For the first time in our lives, we empty nesters can truly afford to be selfish without self recrimination. With more money in the bank, more life experience and wisdom, we can find that abandoned lava lamp in the attic, turn that spare bedroom into a study, and write that novel.
Financial pressures decrease as nest eggs grow, and we baby boomers can take that vacation we never had when the kids were at home, attend that class just for the fun of it, rediscover the spouse without the distractions of running children all over town.
As with most experiences in life, attitude is everything when it comes to facing the empty nest. Change is never easy.
We are always faced with a choice whatever stage in life we find ourselves in. But sometimes change gives us the opportunity to spread our wings and fly. An empty nest beckons us to take that leap.
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